Happy Married life is a Myth….this is exactly what you will get to hear from most of the married couples a few years down the line and then they will start the plethora of this and that, why, and when blah blah blah!! Well, this was on a funny note, a little sweet-sour banter that is a part and parcel of everybody’s life.
Rather than a happy married life, I would say it is a beautiful married life that holds laughter, tears, disagreements, patch-ups, trips, laying on the couch, late-night dinner to early morning tea….a story of a lifetime.
Marriage starts with ‘M’ but is laid on the foundation of ‘A’. Let’s figure it out.
Here are the secrets of a successful marriage
A little bit of Appreciation
After the big fat Indian wedding, after all the uncle-aunties stuffing your mouth with delicacies, after all the traveling, after all the adrenaline-filled love…..you settle down to routine life. A life that starts with a cup of tea in the morning, proceeds with a simple home-cooked meal, a little bit of time spent together in evening strolls and sleeping peacefully by each other’s side at night. The initial days of this routine is filled with love, gratitude but eventually, when it becomes mundane we forget to appreciate the little things that add sweetness and spice to life.
Someday take a few seconds to appreciate that little cup of tea in the morning. Imagine how your day would be if the refreshing chai doesn’t start your day. Someone wakes up in the morning early to make your start of the day a little better.
Someday take a few seconds to appreciate the simple home-cooked meal. A lot of love goes into cooking. And someday appreciate the compassion and empathy of your better half who simply gulps down morsels of extra salty, sometimes too spicy and sometimes a little bland food smilingly as if this was the best meal ever.
Someday appreciate the fact that there is always one person waiting for you at home. Coming back to an empty house is not a great feeling always. Someday simply appreciate that you at least have someone to come back to, there is someone who is looking forward to you coming back. Step into your home, and keep the bags of worries and office stress outside at the doorstep.
A little bit of Acknowledgement
Even when the world doesn’t understand you, when everyone questions your intentions when everyone doubts your abilities when you yourself fail to hold scattered pieces of your confidence together, that very moment a little acknowledgment works wonders for you, makes you believe in yourself. You know someone is out there for you acknowledging the hard work you put through the day.
And it only takes a few minutes of your day to acknowledge how two wonderful people have come together to make beautiful memories of married life. There are days when you feel lost when things don’t go as planned, when the world doesn’t seem to be a nice place, but then with all this baggage you come back home to that one person for whom you are everything from dawn to dusk, and that emotion of acknowledgment is a little cornerstone holding your confidence in yourself intact.
Acknowledge your spouse who understands how you manage to stand up against the tide every day for the family to wake up to a shining bright day.
Acknowledge your spouse who quietly understands your feelings, gives you space when you need, and stands by your side when you look for it. At the end of the day two normal people acknowledge the value of each other in story of a married life.
Story of a married life does not include ‘Taken for Granted’.
A little bit of Acceptance
Two different people, Two different minds, Two different upbringings and a world of similarities and dissimilarities.
Sometimes it’s like clash of the titans and fierce SPARTA is for a ride.
But with a little acceptance you can hold the horses of your Spartan warrior intact. Not everyone is perfect, not everyone is organised all the time, not everyone is good at handling financial interests, and not everyone is good at being the jack of all trades. So it is fine.
Accept that your loved one is a normal person, blended with weird habits, sometimes messy, sometimes gullible, sometimes opinionated, sometimes funny, sometimes cranky, sometimes ambivalent, sometimes cut-throat-on-your-face……all of these ultimately making them human.
Accept their flaws, don’t judge them. Everyone is different and they have different ways of doing things. Just because they do it differently does not make their way of approaching things questionable. Accept the person the way they are and don’t try to change them as per your thoughts and approaches in life.
Acceptance is a two way road, the more you give, the more your receive
A little bit of Agreeing to Apologize
When two plates are kept together they sometimes collide and make noise. A little noise also stirs up in a married household when discussions turn into disagreements and a series of, blame-game and “I did not forget what you did last summer”, kind of allegations.
We are humans at the end of the day, we sometimes lose patience and raise our voices, we sometimes lack empathy and say hurtful things, and we sometimes become selfish and willing choose to ignore the pain of others.
Work-related stress, lack of patience, tiredness; lack of empathy slowly creates ripples in the sea of life and then follow a complete dead silence.
All it takes is ‘SORRY’ to break the silence, to start talking again, to mend the broken bridge.
Why is it so difficult to be humble enough to say sorry? It is because we indulge in meaningless selfish behaviour of keeping our egos intact.
Marriage is for two people, there is no space for a third person ‘Ego’. And a little note of agreement to let go of the ego and apologize when you are wrong is what matters in the story of married life. Sometimes nobody is wrong, it is just different perspective, but someone has to make a start, say the first word, and start the conversation. And maybe a little ‘Sorry’ can help.
A single word ‘Sorry’ communicates a million emotions, emotions that show you care, and you appreciate and value this relationship beyond boundaries of ego and pride.
A little bit of sorry and a glass full of love
Story of married life is all about staying together accepting each other’s strengths and weakness and working together as a team. It just takes few minutes of your day, a little bit of your effort and few little notes.
So your perfect dish is ready. Taste every bit of your marriage and try to bring the best out of your partner. The best partner is the not the one who prays for you, cares for you, loves you but the one who discovers the best in you.
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