Monday, April 15, 2024

Finding Yourself After A Breakup

Finding ourselves lost and feeling empty after breaking up with the person who once meant the whole world is not uncommon. It is as if life has paused when going through a separation. After all, the void left by the person feels so deep that it’s impossible to focus on anything other than what really caused the breakup. However, there’s always hope to build your way to find happiness and focus on self-love to heal the broken heart.

Whether it was due to a long-distance relationship, or this relationship wasn’t meant for each other, it is over now. Overcoming the feeling of loneliness and increasing self-awareness can take you a long way. But how? Can self-love compensate to survive a breakup? These and many more such questions can cross the mind, and though it seems to be a difficult phase, reason with yourself that the person who left you did you a huge favor.  It might be a bit harsh and troublesome time, but perhaps you are better off without your ex. Moving on might be the hardest thing to do, but trust your instincts, feel better and be confident about yourself, now more than ever before.

Everyone goes through a break-up, and it is not an insurmountable obstacle that you can’t overcome. It is of no use to be upset about a situation that was not even in your hand. The main reason behind any breakup is because it is not healthy anymore. The relationship in itself feels like a burden. Give yourself some time to start feeling emotions other than grief. Right now, you might be feeling numb. You deserve time off from all that drama and be yourself again.

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Can Breakups Be Good For You?


Breakups allow us the time to reflect upon things and turn our focus on ourselves completely. They are all about investing in oneself. The experience of a breakup, although bad, can, in return, make you stronger and more resilient. A few reasons why breakups are good sometimes are:

1. Better Late Than Never 

Staying together in an unhappy or unfulfilling relationship is better than being alone. No matter the stage of a relationship you were in, the deeper you went, the more it would have hurt. It is but natural to feel connected to one another when you are in a relationship. But while getting to know each other, you are also falling in love! Or you might feel so. But since they broke up, they saved you from a lot of self-pity nights and much more.

2. Self Love Is Also Love

When your past teaches harsh life lessons, be thankful. It gives you the time to reflect on what is more important in life. Realize your self-worth. It is always better to be loved by yourself than depending on someone else to make you feel loved and valued.

3. Discover New Hobbies  

While you were so involved with the person you thought to be the love of your life, did you forget about what you like to do? Discover a new hobby; maybe it will switch your career path. Change your life and move ahead. It will break the monotony of feeling sorry for yourself and getting angry at the other person.

In a research study conducted on 24 heartbroken people who had a long-term relationship, the best cognitive strategy to cope up with separation was to be distracted. However, negative reappraisal or remembering the bad annoying habits of their ex was a better mechanism, in the long run, says studies co-author Sandra Langeslag, who is the Director of the Neurocognition of Emotion and Motivation Lab, at the University of Missouri–St. Louis.

Keeping busy and not thinking about the past showed better results in comparison to other strategies such as negative reappraisal of their ex.

4. It’s The Time To Develop Compassion 

Breaking up is hard, and thus you know and are feeling the pain of separation. While suffering, you come in control of your emotions. You develop empathy and compassion for others. You can understand what others might be feeling, and once you have moved on, you will be able to help your friends who might be going through a bad phase in their life.

5. Your Worries Seems Trivial 

As more and more time passes, you get to know that whatever problems you might have faced are not that big a deal. Agreed, it might not feel so right now, but once time has passed, you would look back at this time of your life and feel silly.

6. Discover A World Outside 

Believe it or not, there is a world outside. All this time, while you have been upset, the rest of the world has been functioning properly. When your ex-left, discover things around you. Get in touch with your friends, who you might have forgotten all about them. It is a great opportunity to reconnect with the outside world.

7. Increase Self-Awareness

Sometimes being in a long-term relationship, it is easy to forget who you truly are. Your breakup is a great opportunity to reconnect with yourself. Find out about your strength, your flaws, and how to correct them. Increase self-awareness and become strong emotionally, physically, and mentally.

8. Find Out Your True Friend 

A person who will remain with you, through your thick and thins, is the person worth hanging onto. You become a better judge of people, and you can connect with more friends. A strong circle of friends keeps you grounded and guides you from making any mistakes.

9. Appreciate Love And Commitment 

The best thing your ex can teach you is how to love and be in love. Commitment in any relationship is the building stone. You would know what mistakes were made so you can work towards that, and you would be more mature and more prepared for ‘The One.’

Moving on is far better than resenting each other when a relationship becomes a burden. Be thankful for your ex to end the relationship, because now you can grow as a person and become more mature. You certainly do not need another person to make you feel complete. So be grateful for the person who did you this huge favor and move on to a better life.

How To Find Yourself After A Heartbreak?


Finding yourself after a breakup can be a difficult task. You may take one step forward and ten steps back. You may feel the urge to return to the same person. But remember that this is all part of the process. But remind yourself things happen for a reason. The sooner you accept it, the better. Now’s the time to learn and evolve.

1. Go On A Solo Date

Take yourself on a date. It may sound lame and not appealing but try it once. But you never know what the future holds. You may discover a new habit or hobby for yourself or even a friend. So do all the things you always wanted to on a date. Be as silly and as fancy as you want. Treat yourself how you always wanted to be treated. Take the step and see how it benefits you.

2. Travel Solo

There is fun in taking solo trips across the country or even the border. The feeling of being independent and doing things according to yourself and your needs alleviates you and gives you a sense of pride. Solo trips also make us more confident.

3. Meet & Connect With New People

Go out and meet new people. Socializing with new people helps to find yourself. You never know when you may find yourself a new friend or a partner to do your favorite hobby with.

4. Practice Gratitude

Practice gratitude for everything you have. From your family to friends and those people who are by your side in your good and bad times. Be grateful even for the journal and meditations that help you move on in life.

5. Focus On Personal Growth

Being single allows you to focus on yourself entirely and your personal growth. Do the things you always wanted to do. Take those classes you always wished to. Do what you love and follow your heart’s desires. Read books, be creative and follow your passion.

6. Learn To Let Go

Although it may seem impossible, try to let go. Learn to let go of the hurt you felt of the memories you hold so dear to your heart. Letting go liberates us. Engage in self-care activities and channel this precious time on yourself. Have a positive mindset and be gentle with yourself

7. Take Control Of Your Life

Take control of your life and actions. Instead, make it as authentic as possible. For example, take a mental note to yourself, write it down in a journal, or inform your friends and family. A significant part of taking control is decision-making and responsibilities. Be responsible for all the things that may happen in your life from now onwards. Refrain from engaging in negative self-talk.

8. Make Your Health A Priority

We may all feel a tad bit depressed immediately after breaking up, but prolonged feelings of depression can cause permanent damage. Studies have shown that either loss of a loved one or breakups in a romantic relationship can cause health effects such as insomnia, compromised immune function, heartbreak syndrome, etc.

But, it’s never too early to make your health a priority. Some micro habits that can enhance your lifestyle and improve overall health & wellbeing:

  • Drink 8 glasses of water
  • Meditate everyday
  • Do breathing exercises
  • Opt for a 15-minute workout or do yoga
  • Engage in positive self-talk or affirmations
  • Sleep for 6-7 hours every night
  • Take a walk in nature

9. Focus On The Positives

Concentrate on the positives that are present in your life—practice mindfulness and gratitude. Spend time with positive people. Identify the negative thoughts and reflect on them. Identify your triggers. Remember that every day is a new day, and you can start a new day positively.

Concluding Thoughts

Finding oneself after a breakup can be a difficult task. First, you can be feeling empty without your ex and may also feel completely lost. Second, it can take a lot of time to entirely overcome the love you had for him/her and discover your true self.

But this journey will make you stronger and more confident. So no matter how scary the path may be, focus ahead. Remind yourself that you are worth it all.

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Key Takeaways On How To Find Yourself After A Breakup


Finding yourself after a breakup is essential to be happy and love yourself again. If you feel empty with no self-esteem here’s how to get back.

  • Self Love Is Also Love: Engage in self-love. Realize your self-worth and focus on yourself.
  • Discover New Hobbies: Breakups give more time to explore new hobbies.
  • You Develop Compassion: Breakups can empower people to be more compassionate.
  • Your Worries Seems Trivial: They make us realize that the problems which once seemed too big were nothing but small obstacles along your way.
  • Discover A World Outside: The world and time go on, and it doesn’t stop itself for anyone.
  • Realize that there is a world out there functioning and moving properly even without you. So instead of sulking, go out in the world. Familiarize yourself with the things you missed out on.
  • Increase Self-Awareness: Breakup gives you the perfect opportunity to focus on yourself entirely. Use this time to discover things about yourself.
  • Find Out Your True Friend: Find out who your real friends are, who stick by your side in both your good and bad.
  • Appreciate Love and Commitment: Learn from the breakup and appreciate love and commitment.

Doing New Things Can Help You Find Yourself After A Heartbreak

  • Go On A Solo Date: Take yourself out on dates and spend time with yourself.
  • Solo Trips: Take solo trips across the country and world.
  • Meet & Connect With New People: Meet new people and socialize with them.
  • Practice Gratitude: Showing gratitude can help us realize and appreciate the things we have in our lives.
  • Focus On Personal Growth: Invest the time in your personal growth.
  • Learn To Let Go: It may be difficult but learn to let go of the hurt and unwanted feelings.
  • Take Control: Take complete control of your life and lead it the way you want. 
  • Make Your Health A Priority: Focus on your health. Develop healthy habits which will benefit you in the long run.
  • Focus On The Positives: Concentrate on all the positive things present in your life.
  • Always remember no matter how difficult it might be, you have the power to find yourself after a breakup.

Is It Possible To Find Yourself After A Breakup?

Yes, with patience and determination, it is possible to find oneself after a breakup.

How To Be Happy After A Breakup?

There are a few ways you can be happy after a breakup:

  • Forgive your ex-partner.
  • Practice self-love.
  • Treat yourself.
  • Give yourself time.
AlignThoughts Editorial
AlignThoughts Editorial
The editorial team at AlignThoughts includes feature writers, researchers, and subject matter experts with rich domain knowledge who are always willing to go the extra mile to deliver quality content. We strive to create meaningful content with a fresh perspective that can leave an impact on your life.

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